Joke's On You
by XxXJokersWildXxX
Summary: Joker kidnaps a girl as a part of one of his plots against Batman, but he didn't quite get what he bargained for. She's pushy, arrogant, rude, and sarcastic and above all else, not the least bit afraid of him. What will happen between the two?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

"Shove it old man," Dawna shouted, slamming the front door to her house behind her.

This was nothing new; she was used to her father's pitching a fit about anything and everything. He was a heavy drinker; he had been ever since she could remember. He wasn't, par say, abusive, but she wasn't exactly fond of his behavior all the same. He would come home nearly every night in a screaming rage, and the next day he would act as if nothing had happened. That was the part she couldn't stand; if he was going to be an ass, he could at least own up to it. But, of course, that wasn't going to happen, not in this lifetime. According to him, Dawna's mother had driven him to drink the way he did, which was something she'd never quite understood.

Her mother had never done shit to that man. She'd done nothing but love and support him, and now, when he wasn't working at all, she was working eighty hour weeks just to barely be able to pay the bills and put food on the table. Dawna worked too, although not as much as her mother. She worked an average of thirty hours a week, but along with school, that still kept her more than busy enough. She didn't typically keep any of her money; once in a while she might treat herself to something small, but for the most part, she gave her money to her mother insisting that as long as she was living under her roof, it was more than fair that she help support the family. Dawna's mother had always had a hard time accepting her daughter's money, but she hadnt exactly had much choice, so she'd graciously done the only thing she could: let her daughter help with the family's financial problems.

That was actually where the teen was headed right now: to the bank. Apparently one of the family's bills had been late, but Dawna specifically remembered having written out the check for it and sending it out in the mail. It really was irritating to Dawna; she definitely wouldn't be happy if she wound up having to pay the bill twice, so first thing first? She'd make a stop by the bank, check her account, and see if the check had been cashed, then she'd have to make a trip to the gas company on the opposite side of Gotham City. She sighed; it was early now, so she had all day to get it done, but her family wasn't able to afford a vehicle, much less gas, so she'd have to travel both on foot and on buses throughout the city. This was going to be a long day.

"Harley, pumpkin," the Joker cooed, laying his head on the young woman's lap. "Be a dear and clean up my mess."

"Righto, Mistah J!" Harley hopped up, excited, as always, to do anything that would make the Joker happy, but she'd hopped up a little too fast. The Joker's head hit the ground with a thud, and he glared up at her. She only let out a small giggle and scratched the back of her head. "Sowwie, Puddin."

"Yes, yes, just go clean it up," the Joker said irritably, sitting up and leaning against the wall where Harley had been just moments before.

Harley gave her sweetheart a mock salute and marched off in the direction of the Joker's 'mess.' She entered the room he'd been in just moments before; it was the office of a rather rundown looking shop in downtown Gotham City, and the Joker's new abode. Batman had just recently run them out of their old hideout, so for now this seemed to be where they would be staying. She walked over to the body of the owner and picked him up, swinging him over her shoulder with strength that would surprise most, and exiting the room.

"She's all yours, Mistah J," she stated happily.

Joker stood up and patted Harley on the head. "Good girl," he said with a laugh and walked into the office, propping himself down in the chair behind his new desk.

Bruce Wayne drove down the interstate towards Wayne Enterprises, his mood quite stale. He knew todays business luncheon would go quickly enough, and, luckily for him, it was the only thing he had to accomplish for the day. He wasn't bothered by anything pertaining to work though; just last night, he'd had a confrontation with Joker, but no matter what he did, the clown somehow managed to slip from his grasp every time. It irritated him even more so that not only had Joker escaped Arkham two months ago; he'd twisted the mind of one of the doctors to the point that she actually went and helped him to get out of the Asylum.

Dawna kicked open the door to the bank and entered it nonchalantly, pushing her way through the line of people rather rudely and coming to a stop in front of the lead banker.

"I need to know my account balance," she stated, glaring at him.

She wasn't angry with him in the least, just angry in general, and he happened to be the person in front of her at the moment. She knew better than to take her anger out on those around her, of course, but she didn't bother no to.

The banker took a long moment, before looking up at her. He was a rather short, bulgy man. His rounded eyes were hidden behind rounded glasses, and his cheeks looked like you could grab at them and wrap them around his entire head. He had a small set mouth and a miniature looking nose to match it. He wore a suit that, in Dawna's opinion, was a bit too tight for his own well being seeing as the buttons on it looked as if they could pop off and go flying across the room at any moment. She shook the thought from her head though when he spoke to her.

"Account number," he said in an awkwardly high pitched tone.

Dawna couldn't help but let a chuckle escape her throat; he sounded like a woman for god sakes! She pulled a paper from her pocket and pushed it towards him. He took a look at it and typed the number on the paper into his computer and after a few moments he said, "Thirty-one, Fifty-two. Can I help you with anything else?"

"That's all ma'am," Dawna said as she stood up, sending him a mock salute and marching towards the door. She could feel the man's eyes boring into the back of her head, but she didn't mind it. In fact, she couldn't help but find even more amusement in the fact that she had offended him.

"Name?"

"Joe Kerr," Joker said, suppressing a grin. He was wearing a solid back suit and a blond wig; his faded green hair tucked neatly beneath it. A rubber mask was pulled up over his face, and a pair of contacts ensured that his normal eye color remained hidden.

The man looked up at him oddly. "Is this some kind of joke?"

Joker let himself smile; he was at the same bank as Dawna, trying to convince one of the employees to allow him to open an account, but now he let off a high shrill laugh. "On the contrary," he said. "It's completely," he pulled a gun from his pocket and pointed it at the employees head, "true." He fired the gun, and the younger man fell to the floor dead.

As he did so Harley stepped through the front doors, closing them behind her, bazooka in hand. She looked at Dawna who was just feet away from her and raised her weapon, pointing it at the girl.

"Sorry, sweetheart," she said with a grin. "But you ain't goin anywhere."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Harley fired the bazooka, and Dawna managed to move just enough that she was able to roll out of the way of the shot. She sent a glare in Harley's direction and stood up, stalking over towards the masked girl. Harley was slightly dumb struck; why on earth was this girl walking towards the woman who'd just tried to kill her? She fired again, but Dawna was more prepared this time.

Years of martial arts classes had paid off after all; she stooped close to the ground, just as Harley started to pull the trigger. Harley had made the mistake of firing where Dawna had been instead of where the girl would be, and the shot zoomed past Dawna, hitting a woman behind her, as she flipped through the air, landing on top of the bazooka, and forcing it out of Harley's hands and to the ground.

"Would you watch where you point that thing?!"

Harley gave her the same dumbstruck look again, but it turned into a smile quickly enough. "Yep, you'll do fine."

Dawna gave her an odd look, but before she could respond she'd been struck hard on the back of the head; she turned around sending a glare at the Joker himself. He, too, gave her an odd look.

"That was supposed to knock you out," he stated plainly. Then he raised his hand and waved it back and forth in the air as if he'd just hit concrete, mouthing the word 'ow.' "You've got a hard head."

"Yeah, no shit," Donna commented, knocking on her own head, which, strangely enough, produced a hollow sound. She pointed at joker. "Listen up," she said. "I'm a bit busy right now. Mind telling me what you and Psycho Bitch Barbie here want? Cause I'd really like to be on my way."

Joker let a grin slip across his face. "A little fight in you i see," he said. He lowered his face so that he could look directly at her. Her moved from there so that his mouth was right next to her ear and whispered into it. "I like that."

Harley sent him a glare from behind Dawna, and he leaned up; she might be loyal towards him, but that didn't mean it wasn't a scary sight when she got angry at him. Her gaze softened and brightened back up though as he stood up; he let out a sigh and looked back down at the girl who stood between them, seeing one thing: the flash of anger in her eyes and her fist headed towards his face. He let her hit him, and his head swung back, but the only reaction he gave her was to break into a fit of laughter.

"Damnit! I'm not in the mood for this!"

Dawna attempted to send another blow in his direction, but her arm was grabbed by Harley and twisted around behind her.

"Uh, uh, uh," Harley said, waving a finger in the air. "Hurtin Mistah J just wouldn't be nice now."

Dawna attempted to spin and send a kick at Harley, but as she did, she slumped to the floor, having been hit on the head again, this time, not by the Joker, but by one of Batman's batarangs.

Joker blinked as the girl slumped to the floor, the batarang impaled in the side of her head. He looked in the direction it had come from to see Batman getting up from the ground. It seemed he had been aiming at Joker, but had somehow fallen to the ground in the process, his aim being thrown off. Joker couldn't help it; he let out a squeal of delight.

"You know, you really should work on your aim," he said with a laugh as he gestured towards the injured girl beside him.

Bruce glared at Joker from under his mask as he stood, now back on balance. True enough, he had actually fallen when attempting to attack Joker; it wasn't as it looked though. The way he'd stumbled and tripped over his own feet probably looked as if he'd been clumsy, but truth be told, he simply hadn't slept in three days now.

"Step away from the girl, Joker," Batman said.

Joker looked down at Dawna and then back up at Batman. "Yes, I suppose I could do that," he said slowly. He licked his lips and glanced back down at the girl, picking her up and tossing her limp body over his shoulder, "But then, where would be the fun in that?"

"What were you doing here in the first place? Robbing a bank? Doesn't seem like your style," Batman said, running forward and and throwing his fist at Joker's face.

Joker side-stepped and stuck out his leg, causing the half asleep Batman to trip and fall to the ground once more. "Awe, come on Bats," Joker said, nudging Batman with his foot. "You're not making this any fun at all."

He looked at Harley, who had picked up the Bazooka and opened the door. "C'mon babies! Momma's gotta snack for ya!"

In a flash, Harley's two pet Hyena's were in the room and on Batman. Joker gave another shrill laughed before waltzing out the door, Dawna over his shoulder. "Come and find me, Batman," he said with a shrill laugh, letting the door slam shut so hard that it, being made of glass, shattered and fell to the ground.

A car was waiting for them: Joker, Harley, and Dawna that is. Joker opened the back door, tossing the girls body in. Harley followed behind her, and Joker made his way up to the front of the van, pushing the driver into the passenger seat rather roughly.

"Outta the way, Bobbo! I'm driving!"


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

Harley looked down at Dawna, who's head was laying in her lap now; the side that had been hit by the batarang was facing up, of course, and Harley couldn't help but feel the lump that had slowly been forming in her throat go down. She felt bad for dragging the girl into this, but at least the wound wasn't too terribly deep. They wouldn't have to worry about getting her medical help or anything; they'd just have to get out the batarang and tend to the wound.

Dawna mumbled incoherently in her sleep, unknowingly nuzzling her head further into Harley's lap, who looked down at her with quite a surprised look. It couldn't be helped though; Dawna was dreaming about the first time she could remember her father coming home drunk. She'd been four years old at the time, and he'd come barreling into the house at about four o'clock in the morning.

_Dawna looked up, a bit surprised to see her father stumble into the living room, but her surprise didn't last long. He stared at her for a long moment before registering that she was there, and, when he did, his expression grew angry, and he stomped over towards the small girl, shoving things out of his way here and there._

_He stopped before his daughter, who now had a slightly fearful look on her face, and glowered down at her. She wasn't afraid of him, per say; she was afraid that she was going to get into trouble for being out of bed this late, and she was right. That was the excuse he'd used for his anger._

_"Little brat," he shouted, grabbing her by the collar of her shirt and pulling her up off the floor rather forcefully. He pulled her into the air so that her face was even with his, not realizing that, because of the way he was holding her, he was strangling her. Alcohol will do that to a person though. "You're supposed to be in bed!"_

_Dawna couldn't help it. She burst into a fit of tears and started kicking her feet wildly. She reached up and pulled madly at her shirt collar, gasping for air. It seemed like forever, but she finally fell to the ground, taking in gasping breathes and looked up, ready to run from her father, but he was on the ground as well, unconscious._

_Her mother was standing over him, a bat in her hand; the woman stood there, stunned for a long moment, but placed the bat down and rushed forward, pulling her still crying daughter into a hug and shushing her, trying her best to assure her that everything was alright._

Dawna's eyes opened as the van jutted violently around a corner, but she slammed them shut again in hopes that no one had noticed. She let her body lay limp, and her thoughts drifted back to the dream she'd just had. She couldn't really remember much before that night, but she was sure her father had been a heavy drinker all her life, probably since he was really young. He'd come home drunk plenty of times after that, but not once had he laid his hands on her or her mother since then. Dawna accidentally shifted to the right, but luckily for her, as she did so the van went around another corner, so she could only hope it looked as if she'd just been moving along with the vehicle. She assumed it must have since no one seemed to have reacted. She could hear the Joker in the front seat. Who he was talking to, she didn't know, but she didn't like what she heard.

"But boss, what do you plan to do with her?" It was a mans voice. "She ain't no use to you."

"On the contrary, Bob my man," Joker said with a small chuckle. "She's of every use in the world to me right now." As he spoke he threw his arms into the air rather animatedly and the van started to go off the edge of the road.

"B-Boss!"

Joker's laughter floated through the air as he grabbed back onto the wheel, swerving back onto the street. "You don't trust me, do you Bobbo?" Joker paused for a long moment, licking his dry lips. "Probably a good thing."

The van continued to move on in silence for a while when Joker's laughter floated through the air again. Harley gave him an odd look at that. "Puddin?"

"It was too quiet," he explained.

The stop that followed was so sudden and unexpected that Dawna was flung from her spot against the backs of the front seats and into the floor. She'd been trying to keep quiet all this time, but as her head hit the seat, the batarang that was still embedded in her skull was ripped free, and her scream echoed through the van, as did the Joker's laughter.

"Carry her," he commanded and got out of the van, entering the same shop they'd been in before.

"Righto, Mistah J," Harley said, giving him a mock salute.

She opened the door grabbing Dawna by the wrist and dragging her along as well. Dawna stumbled out of the car behind the girl, a pained expression showing on her face; her head felt as if it had grown to be ten times its normal size, and it seemed like she could feel her heart beating in her skull, but she didn't plan on making this easy on them.

She didn't make her move yet; she knew she wouldn't be able to get away in this condition, and she didn't plan on making any stupid moves. That didn't mean she was going to let some one carry her or pull her along though. She ripped her hand from Harley's grasp and sent the girl a glare.

"I can walk on my own, Barbie," she said and commenced to follow Joker. "What I want to know," she said as she came to stand by his side, "is why me? I'm of no use to you as far as I can see. And why rob a bank? I thought you were supposed to be a killer," she looked up at him, giving him a sly grin. "Not some pitiful robber."

Joker stopped in his place. "Harley, Bobbo, inside!" The two followed his order without question, and Joker grabbed Dawna by the arm, pulling her to face him. One hand remained firmly upon her arm; the other caressed her cheek gently before grabbing roughly at her chin and pulling her face upwards so that she'd have no choice but to look at him. "Anyone would have done," he said with a grin, "But I chose you." His hand tightened on her arm. "So be a good little girl and do as you're told."

Dawna attempted to pull away from him, but stopped upon realizing just how much stronger he was than her. She smirked up at him. "Poor thing," she said in mock sympathy, "You must've missed the memo; the circus just left town."

"I don't like the circus," Joker said rather casually. Releasing her chin and arm, he slammed his hand down hard on the top of her head, and the last thing she heard as her eyes rolled back into her head was his laughter.


	4. Chapter 4

I had someone ask which Joker I was portraying in this story; to clear that up, I am basing him off of a combination of the Joker from the animated series and from the Dark Knight. The brutal part of his personality may take a while to start showing, but it'll be evident in later chapters.

**Chapter Four**

"Oh He He Ha Ha Ha."

"Yeah, because that's not annoying at all," Dawna spat sarcastically. She hadn't opened her eyes yet, but her head was throbbing even more than it had been before, something she wasn't happy about, and she could feel a hard metal surface below her.

"I thought you could use a wake up call," Joker replied. Judging from the sound of his voice, she assumed he was right above her. "Open your eyes," he commanded.

She didn't comply. This guy really tweaked her off; she wasn't about to do anything he wanted her to do, but that turned out not to be a good choice after all. She felt a sudden pressure on her stomach followed by an irritable shout.

"I said, open you eyes," Joker repeated, his tone raising a bit this time.

The pressure grew, and she grunted in discomfort, opening her eyes to see him sitting cross-legged on her stomach. He smiled as she did, but a frown replaced it when she spoke.

"Shit, you're heavy," she said. "Do yourself a favor and lose a few pounds, fatty."

"That's not," he lowered his face so that it was just above hers. "That's not..." He licked his lips, then wrapped his hand tightly around her throat. "Nice."

"Well, in case you hadn't figure it out, genius," she countered, "I'm not exactly the sweetest person around."

His hand started to tighten, but he let go quickly enough, standing up and letting a laugh echo through the room as he started to walk away. Dawna attempted to get up as well, but layed back against what seemed to be a metal table. She was chained down: just great!

"Hey! How long do you plan on leaving me here?!"

Joker stopped walking and looked back at her thoughtfully before pointing towards the ceiling and turning away again. As he exited the room, a loud bout of laughter followed, which Dawna ignored and looked up where he'd been pointing. She thought her eyes would pop out of their sockets at what she saw. A large blade stood high above her, swinging back and forth, slowly moving towards her.

"Okay, you win!" She pulled violently at her bindings, hoping, even though she knew it would do no good. "Seriously, where the hell does anyone get stuff like this?!"

"Mistah J has his ways." The voice came from her right and Dawna's head shot in that direction to see the girl who'd helped Joker bring her here.

"So you're like Clown Bitch Barbie," Dawna said as she let her body relax against the metal surface. She placed her hands behind her head and relaxed her body, not wanting to show her urgent feelings towards the situation at hand.

Harley sent a glare in her direction. "I'm whateva Mistah J needs me ta be," she stated, waving a knife around in the air.

"You haven't handled that knife much, have you sweetheart?" Dawna raised an eyebrow. "You really should know better than to talk with your hands when holding sharp objects." She paused, but continued after a short silence. "That Mistah J of yours, what makes you think he really cares for you?"

"My puddin loves me," Harley said defensively, trying to keep her strained feelings undercover; she didn't do a very good job.

Dawna suppressed a grin. She'd hit the right chord. "He wouldn't have brought another woman here if he loved you so much," she stated, her expression flat.

"Your crazy if you think my puddin has a thing for you," Harley said defensively as she approached the girl. "You're the one strapped ta the torture device, hunny."

"What can I say?" Dawna sent Harley a grin. "The guy gets off on freaking people out." She paused for a moment, waiting for a reaction, but when none came, she continued. "The star of my story," Dawna said, "is none other than our very own Clown Bitch Barbie." She expression fell into a look of mock sympathy. "The poor, stupid girl who fell in love," she licked her lips and continued. "But the circus freak she fell for didn't love her back."

"Oh, he saw her as a tool though, used her in anyway he could, controlled her by letting her think he loved her too." Dawna tilted her head to the side, a sly smile slipping across her face. "Of course the story's not finished yet, only in the making." She only smiled more as Harley turned and started to storm out of the room. "I wonder who'll be the downfall of who."

Harley grunted in irritation and slammed the door behind her.

Joker was standing just outside the door, listening to their conversation the entire time. He'd suppressed his laughter, but now he let it float through the air freely, and he continued to walk away.

"Oh, she's good! She's real good!"


End file.
